Dearest Aspen

May 19, 2015
3 years, 6 months (to the day!)
5 months tomorrow

My angels

To my baby girl, my little miss, my darling, my angel, my gift, my sweet Aspen Rose:  This one’s for you.

Aspen's 5 month photo shoot!

 

You were cooing in your pack ‘n play in the laundry room after your morning nap today, so I moseyed in to grab you as so often I have.  Colter had alerted me a few minutes before with, “Mom, Aspen’s awake!”  Usually, he beats me in to greet your beautiful face.  Today he was too consumed playing lego cars and people – there were “lives to be saved”.  

Love.

So I found myself opening the door solo.  And there you were.  My darling angel girl – lying there with the most precious smile on your face.  I felt as though I were the only person in the entire world that you wanted to see.  Naturally, I started crying.  You have that effect on me.  I nuzzled my face into yours just how you love it and I was rewarded with a little chuckle.  You brought your sweet hands onto my face, searching.  Learning.  Loving.  We stayed like that for a few minutes – just Mama and daughter.  It was a beautiful moment and one I will never forget.  It wasn’t anything extraordinary – in fact, to someone looking on it would probably appear most ordinary.  Today, though, there was no big brother making you laugh or some other task more pressing.  You weren’t starving and I wasn’t rushed to get out the door or to get food on the table.  Today it was just you and I.  

Joy.

You are a total joy – always up for an adventure and eagerly learning from your big brother.  You are notorious for taking a long time to “settle-in” at night, but, once you’re down, you’re down for good.  You love sleeping on your belly – which means your poor little cheek gets raw from you squirming around. You can sit unsupported for a few minutes and love your jumper.  You’ve eaten banana and avocado – but I’m a terrible mother and am way too lazy to start feeding you with any sort of regularity.  I promise by 6 months, I’ll be better.

Chillin'.

What?

Above all,  your quiet joy in infectious.  None of us can keep our eyes or our hands off of you.  You came into our lives just 5 months ago.  I doubt Colter can remember a time before you.  I know I can't imagine life without you.  And Dad?  Well, he's just totally smitten with you. 

Hi there!

Oh sweet laughter!

It's true that you have grown too quickly.  I find myself able to savor every moment with you more than I did with Colter.  Our baby girl.  Knowing our family is complete.  I love you, darling girl.  You are my sun, my moon, my angel.    

Morning loves.

Morning loves, continued.

5 months: Aspen Rose and Colter Ramsey

Full

March 29, 2015
3 years, 4 months
3 months, 1 week

Silly girl.

The first month was exhausting.  The second month was challenging.  The third month brought routine.  And with routine?  Sanity.  I can now say with pride and dignity that I am functioning stay at home mom of two.  Just as memories of life before Colter slipped away, life before Aspen seems like a distant memory.  It's always been us.

Colter in the midst of tantrum thirty.  I smothered it with love.

Aspen's got it good.  With Colter I was a new mom - making classic rookie mistakes and being set on my ways.  Honestly, it worked great.  He was (and still is!) an epic napper and sleeper.  He is organized (as Grandma would say!).  He loves life.  He loves us.  Aspen is a great nighttime sleeper.  She wakes up usually once a night but on a few occasions, she'll just sleep a full 10-11 hours.  I can say, hands down, she is the worst napper EVER.  I'm pretty sure that's my fault.  I'm okay with it.  We take walks during naps, she sleeps in a carrier, she sleeps in the car seat, she sleeps in my arms...really, she sleeps whenever she can during the day.  It's quick, efficient and then she's up and ready to join the party (as Colter and I like to say). Because, let's face it:  Life is just way too great to spend the day taking long, epic naps. 

Owen on the shore of the Colorado River.

She is such a sweet thing.  Not nearly as outwardly smiley and laughy as Colter was at this age, but she always has a quiet joy in her eyes.  On the rare occasion I get a small chuckle out of her, it usually brings tears to my eyes.  Most of the time, she is perfectly content watching Big Brother doing his thing.  He always brings her in on his games.  Colter is such a sensitive soul and can't bear for her to cry.  So precious.  They are truly little blessings from above.

Colter. Sand.

Yesterday I did something crazy.  I spent a day on the shores of the Colorado River with my children.  It was my first "real" outing solo with two kids.  Each kid had only one freak out session - so I'm calling it a total success!  

She's so vogue.

CJ signed up to do a solo-canyoneering route out of Lee's Ferry.  He convinced me to drive out with him and spend the day on the beach.  Thank goodness my husband knows me well and convinced me to partake in this adventure (which seemed a wee bit daunting).  It was fabulous.  Sunny, 80 degrees and barely a soul around.  Colter frolicked in the sand for hours, Aspen took a cat nap, Owen paced the river and even I had some time to just sit and stare off at the canyon cliffs and river. 

Colter loves his Aspen Rose.

It's been a good week. My cup is full.  Full of the chaos of children.  Full of endless adventures with a three year old and the demands of a 3 month old.  Full of friends.  Full of family.  Full of love. 

Our beach camp.

Mama Day.

And a message from Colter :\gh hhh jsjgff lasdtl=  gd h

It's a GIRL!!!

January 16, 2015
3 years, 2 months
3 weeks, 6 days

Welcome, Aspen Rose!

My precious baby girl, Aspen Rose Malcolm, was born on December 20, 2014 at 9:18pm.  21 inches long (LONG!) and 7lb 10 oz (Colter was 21 inches, 7lb 6oz).  She was the biggest and best surprise we have ever had - since I had convinced both myself and CJ that "she" was really a "he". I am finally, almost a month later, not referring to dear sweet Aspen as a boy. 

Driving into town after my water broke.

As a mother, I feel the need to document Aspen's labor (before it all fades away)...

On Friday evening, December 19 I started having pretty regular contractions.  Because of the history of a fast 5.5 hour labor with Colter, after an hour or so of this shenanigans, we decided it would be best to drive into town.  By the time we got there around 1 am, the contractions had petered off to nothing (naturally!).  We spent the night down in town and drove back up the Canyon Saturday morning (the 20th).

I had a nice day with my boy - we walked to the post office and I even managed a 2 hour nap while Colter slept (greatest gift ever).  As I was lying on the couch & waking up from my nap at 4pm, my water broke.  Awesome.  Considering only 12% of women start their labors with the water breaking, I find it rather remarkable that both of my labors started with a large gush of "water".  Dah well.  At least it was a sign that I needed to call CJ and get to town.

We were on the road within 30 minutes and headed into town. Our dear friends, Silas and Bianca, literally live about 5 minutes from the hospital.  They were kind enough to offer up their home for me to labor at - and, I must say, it was a fabulous labor (as far as labors go...).  We drove into town and watched a beautiful sunset and the alpine glow on the San Francisco mountains. At their house, we took a stroll around the neighborhood with Owen (he spent a cold night in the truck after Aspen's birth).  I labored on the medicine ball for awhile in front of a crackling fire...and then migrated to the floor...

Around 8:45, I informed CJ I thought it was time to go.  My next contraction was a pushing contraction...so it was definitely time to go.  For those of you who have never experienced a pushing contraction: the urge to push is so uncontrollable that you have no option but to push.  Which can be rather annoying when you're attempting to walk 20 feet to the truck.  I guess that's what I get for waiting until the last minute to get to the hospital...

Laboring by a crackling fire...

A pushing contraction as I was walking to the truck to leave for the hospital...

I timed my last contraction at 8:50pm before I started to head for the truck.  By 9pm, I was hanging out of the truck (quite literally), desperately waiting for CJ to return with a wheelchair.  The nurse whisked me into the unbelievably slow service elevator and our dear sweet girl was born at 9:18pm, after 3 more pushing contractions.  The doctor didn't make it.  As a nurse, I am proud to say the nurses delivered my baby splendidly.  The doc did show up to stitch me up.  But we won't go into that...

Aspen soon after delivery...

Me and baby girl

First selfie with mama and dada

The umbilical cord was blocking her "junk" and no one bothered to say, "It's a girl!" as she popped out - assuming we already knew.  My dear husband decided to take the official peak and was, needless to say, SHOCKED.  He looked at me with a look I will remember for eternity - complete and utter happiness.  And then he said, "It's a shocker! A complete shocker!"  It took me a moment to process what exactly was going on, but by the look in his eyes I knew it could only be one thing.  In that moment, I started crying and laughing.  A baby girl.

About the time I found out it was an "Aspen".

CJ, the artist.

Grandpa visiting.

As the say, the rest is history.  The past 3 weeks and change have been a whirlwind.  Christmas came and went.  The New Year passed.  We've gone cross country skiing multiple times as a family, hiked up to the top of a local mountain and had the most splendid "Family Days".  We are so complete.  And so in love.

Grandma love.

My children.  LOVE.

Family.  Complete.

A rim walk.

At home.  With the family.

With her Mama and her namesake...

A xc ski around Mt Humphreys.

Olaf made the family photo.

We celebrate her one month birthday in just 4 days...hard to believe she was still wrapped up in my womb a month ago.  We are so glad she's out.

Sweet, sweet Little Miss Aspen Rose.

Baby Watch 2014

December 18, 2014
3 years, 1 month tomorrow
39 weeks, 4 days

Puppy love.

It's snowing at the Canyon.  I adore snow.  Leaving a clean blanket of fresh, white on the world, I too feel cleansed.  My house is tolerably clean, Christmas music plays in the background, Colter entertains himself with matchbox cars and Owen sleeps on the couch.  Baby wiggles inside my womb.  For a few moments in time, all is perfectly right in the world.

CJ and Owen enjoying the inversion layer a week ago.

My boys.

Love this picture.

The last three days were "Family Days".  You've heard  me mention it many a time - we cherish Family Days.  The past few days consisted of snowball fights, long strolls through the neighborhood, decorating the outside of our home, movies and breakfast feasts.  I'm pretty certain it doesn't get much better than that. Savoring the last few hours? days? as just the three of us.  We snuggled in bed in the mornings.  We read extra books at bedtime.  Knowing full well that at any moment, Baby could make his/her grand entrance. 

The many faces of a snowball fight.

Helping Dad with the truck.

Ranger CJ.

This boy loves throwing snowballs.

The anticipation.  It was harder for me the first go around.  This time I know Baby will come (silly, yes, but I would reckon to say most first time mothers feel the day will never come!).  It's not that I am not eager to meet the little peanut.  I like to think that perhaps I've gained a little more patience over the past 3 years of motherhood?  Perhaps, just perhaps, I've learned a few things... At some point you just have to let go and have faith that it will happen all in its own good time. Besides, I've got this adorable 3 year old to help pass the time.

If I could bottle this face up forever, I would.

Our bags are packed.  The OB kit is packed.  Childcare is lined up.  Christmas presents are wrapped.  Snow is falling. 

Full-term!

Busy Bees & Nesting

34 weeks...early November, Santa Barbara BabyMoon

December 7, 2014
3 years, 18 days
37 weeks, 6 days

I've made it to December - the month that my second child will be born.  A few weeks ago I was pretty sure Baby wasn't going to hold on until this point but, after some excellent guidance (or a stern talking) from my husband, I decided to slow down.  It's amazing how much better you start to feel when you stop doing so much.  So here we are - one day away from 38 weeks. 

Remarkably, I'm feeling quite well.  To be perfectly honest?  I feel a whole lot better than I did about 2or 3 weeks ago.  We took a long road trip the second weekend of November to Los Angeles and Santa Barbara (1500 miles in 4 days) and by the end of that my cankles were in full force and I had gained 10 pounds.  Yep, 10 lbs in 4 days.  Not from eating, from swelling.  It was beautiful.  I'd say that was an all-time low for this pregnancy.  Moving my body sucked and I'd say I was basically miserable.

Just plain adorable.

However, the long weekend was super fun - a surprise birthday party for Larry (78) and his brother Sid (80).  Both immediate families came together for the first time in over 5 years.  Incredibly special.  CJ and I got a little "Babymoon"/ Happy 8th Anniversary getaway to Santa Barbara for a night - thanks for my bro for the hotel hook up and my parents for watching the boys.  How special it is to have time along with your husband!

At our hotel, The Goodland - record players in every room.

 My first born turned THREE on November 19.  Three.  It just doesn't seem possible.  He's becoming quite the little fireball - he has discovered that he can make his own decisions.  Frightening.  He celebrated twice - once with Mama and Dada on his birthday and then a week later with all the cousins out.  Life is good.

Make a wish!

Cousins!

Thanks, Grandma, for a yummy cake!

He picked out the party favors...

Then it was time for Thanksgiving!  I'd say those few days with all the family re-energized me for this last stretch of pregnancy.  Shocking, I know.  But believe it or not 25 people at my house for Thanksgiving was just what my soul needed.  Larry, CJ's two sisters (et al), my parents, my bro, friends...the love just exploded every which way.  I feel so blessed that everyone made the journey out - goodness knows I'm done with the long road trips.  (Except of course for those wonderful weekly trips to Flagstaff for my baby doc appointments.)  

Me and Pops.

Sibling love.

Rides on Okapi are the best.

Feasting.

I even managed to get a little creative...

Saying farewell to everyone proved difficult as always - especially knowing that the next time we see them we will be a family of 4 (or 5 with the dear ole puppy dog).

Yes, Owen, we love you too.

Savoring the time with just me and my boy.

Now that the masses are gone I've gone into full nesting mode.  We rearranged the main room of our house, cut down our Christmas tree and gutted Colter's closet to make room for Baby stuff.  All in one day.  Bring it!  I packed my hospital bag, lined up childcare for Colter when I go into labor and have the car seat in the back of the truck.  I like to feel ready.  It takes a bit of the stress away.

The annual Christmas Tree family photo.

My boy smiling like a normal human being (for once!).

Matchbox cars hold a special place in our household.

Last night we hired a sitter and double-dated with some friends to the El Tovar for the annual Holiday Rotary Club dinner and dance.  So. Much. Fun.  Silent auction, raffles, a live country band, dancing, 4-course meal, good company...We stayed out much too late.  It was grand.  We saw lots of our friends and I felt like I was floating on air all dressed up with my big preggie belly.  I was happy to be pregnant!  Trust me, after the trials of sciatica and swelling, it is high time I felt pleased with my choice to procreate ;)  Normally the last month or so can get a bit uncomfortable and daunting but for some reason or another I've gone the opposite direction.  I'll take it.

Colter is very excited to be left....

In front of the famous El Tovar Christmas Tree!

Partying it up.

Alas, here we go.  Sometime in the next 2-4 weeks we'll have Baby.  We are excited to meet the little one (though dreading lack of sleep....).  Colter is going to be an awesome Big Brother.  I just know it. 

Belly snuggles with the puppy.

37 weeks, 5 days!