Cold Turkey

September 21, 2017

5 years, 10 months, 2 days

2 years, 9 months, 1 day

Aspen!

Yesterday was Aspen's 9 month birthday. For some reason or another, I decided it was time. Time to be done with the pacifier. 

The poor dear seemed rather shocked at nap time when I told her "paci" was gone. Gone to another baby. Gone. Really, really gone. Naturally, she didn't nap (until she fell asleep in the car to go pickup Colter from school...but without a paci!!!). She threw a 30 minute tantrum in my room and then walked out and finished Frozen.

Elsa for life.

Bedtime. I dreaded it the entire day. I pumped myself up. I would stay strong. I would not cave. 

All was going smoothly - shower, snuggle in Colter's bunk bed and then down to her crib. That's when the tears started. She wanted nothing to do with me. After about 30 minutes, I took her out to the living room and we had a nice, long talk. The pacifiers found a new home with a new baby. Aspen will get a new princess dress tomorrow. She is a big girl now. She doesn't need paci. She will get a new princess dress tomorrow. (Emphasis on the dress...I'm not dumb, I know my children's weaknesses.)

She then went on the full hunt around the house for her paci. After about 15 minutes, she found a fake, plastic pacifier from one of her baby dolls. She decided that was sufficient and took it to bed - and started chewing on it. Well, clearly, that wasn't happening. With that gone, a full 15 minute breakdown happened. I stayed strong - thanks to my dear bff Emily and a series of texts.

I finally caved and let her sleep in my bed - she was asleep within minutes. She woke two more times during the night and fussed...but nothing intolerable.  

Sleeping beauty...sans Paci.

She woke this morning happy. And rather excited about her princess dress. She ran into the Schoolhouse this morning and said, "Hi, kids!!!! Princess dress!!!" She is such a different creature than my first born- she makes an entrance whereas Colter would slyly sneak in. 

So that's that. Her beloved Paci is gone. It feels like the last connection to her babyhood. It makes me a little sad, yet so proud. I realize the next few days/nights could be brutal, but onward and upward!!! I love that girl. My last baby is turning into quite the little girl.

Love this picture.

Playing along the Rio Grande out of Taos.

Soccer Mom

April 20, 2017
5 years, 5 months, 1 day
2 years, 4 months

Me and my Boy

Everyday is a blog post in my mind: moments of joy, pain, sorrow, exhaustion, happiness.  I love Instagram for this.  It provides me with snippets of my life so that I can scroll through and remember - whether it be a remarkable event or part of the day to day who-ha. When I spend the time to look back, I can almost picture myself there in that moment in time.  It's a beautiful thing. 

Alas, my blog posts have dwindled down to nothingness over the years.  I've failed to put into writing so much of the growth and excitement of Aspen's first few years of life.  Dear girl, I am so sorry that you came second.  I do not love you any less, of this you can be absolutely certain.

I keep wanting to write a blog...and then life catches up with me...and then instead of one thing to write about, there are 20 things...100 things...thousands... But tonight I will start again at one.  Cherish the moment I am taking now. To focus on just one beautiful moment in time.

I just returned last night from my last rotation of OB training away from home... over 5 weeks away since February.  I can't express how wonderful it feels knowing that I am here to stay.  Home. This evening I had the greatest gift - a reward, you might say, for being present with my children once again.

Easter with my beautiful family

I picked Colter up from school, Aspen in tow.  It was a soccer day!  Yes, exciting, but also requiring the shuttling of children, planning of extensive snacks and the knowledge that I would need to converse with adults (ha!). I don't mind any of these things, really.  Colter immediately ran to me, clinging to my legs with a mild whimper.  Not his typical greeting but I just figured he had really missed me (because I'm self-centered like that). I opened Colter's lunch in the car to see if he had any snacks leftover.  Lo and behold he had an entire lunch leftover.  I proceeded to lecture my poor, dear, sweet five year old about the process of energy breakdown in the body.  How without lunch, his growing little body would never be able to play soccer.  I'm pretty sure there was a soap box under my driver's seat. Naturally, this explained his whiny, pathetic behavior as well.

Thankfully, I was able to convince my child to shove some food into his gut in the few minutes prior to practice.  I rammed on his shin guards, soccer socks and jersey.  It was a rather chilly, windy afternoon and the storm clouds beckoned in the distance.  Colter was cold.  Poor little dude doesn't have an ounce of fat on him.  I gave him one last handful of goldfish and guided him out on the field.  All the while thinking, Well, we'll see how this practice goes.

I plopped down next to a fellow mom with a girl a year older than Aspen.  The girls started playing and the mom and I chatted away.  I did the occasional wave to my boy, who checked in on me frequently to be sure my eyes were peeled his way.  The other parents know my shy lad. His sensitive nature is to be admired.

Practice went on, I relaxed and a few drops fell from the sky.  Five minutes before the end of practice something beautiful happened.  Colter, who typically runs with the "mob", flocking around the ball and running back and forth cheerfully, suddenly broke away.  He was not alone.  He had the ball! Not only did he have the ball, he was dribbling the ball!  He skirted around the edge of the mob, then turned sharply toward the goal.  Still dribbling!  (I was yelling like a frantic woman at this point, along with the other fellow mamas...) He ran in front of the goal, pulled back his leg and SCORED.

I know there are many moments in my life that should hold more weight than this moment - college graduation, marriage, the births of my children - but, believe you me, in this instant there was nothing else in my mind but my darling son on that soccer field.  I'd be lying if I said tears weren't brimming in my eyes.  I'd be lying if it took every ounce of my being to not run to him and lift him up on my shoulders.  The other moms were all congratulating me.  So this is what it feels like to be a soccer mom.  The boy that was least expected to score...the boy that forgot to eat lunch today...here he was shocking us all.

The smile on his face was one for the books.  He even had a little "hop" in his step those last few minutes of the game.  Well played, boy, well played.

 

Soccer Star

Tour De California

June 26, 2016

4 years, 7 months, 7 days

1 year, 6 months, 6 days

The grandparents are out this weekend and CJ and I are both working long days. Raking in some money. Cha-Ching.

I was able to actually escape the interior of the hospital for lunch - which means I am presently bathing in early summer Colorado sun. And it is glorious. The smells are intoxicating. The heat unbelievable. Was it just a few short months ago that this same table had 4 feet of snow packed on it? And the parking lot had a reverse icicle that stayed for days? Gotta love Gunni.

We just returned from an epic trip down the California coast. Baby girl turned 18 months. Baby boy...well, he's not so baby anymore. His broken leg is almost completely back to normal and I relish his joy and excitement at being mobile again. Someday he may not even remember what it was like to be casted and immobile for a month. 

Colter and Aspen are two peas in a pod. Yet they are apples and oranges. They have so much love for each other and Colter is always asking when they can start sleeping together. Seriously cute. Wherever brother goes, sister is not far behind. I'm sure she'll be bossing him around in no time but, for now, I'm loving their innocent interactions. I couldn't imagine one without the other. 

Our trip down the coast of California was marvelous. Gold Lake with the cousins...being back in the Sierras was amazing in itself. Back to our roots. Back to all the places where we first fell in love and adventured together. California will always hold a special place in my heart. I'm so happy to share it with my kiddos - the mountains, the ocean. 

From Gold Lake we spent several days in Santa Cruz with CJs sister Julie et al. More cousin time. Family time. The greatest downfall of living 1000 miles away from everyone. We soaked up every moment of family we could this trip.

 

 

And then south to San Diego! It is still amazing that I spent 10 years of my life in San Diego. I love that town. It always feels like I am going home. The zoo. Torrey Pines and Del Mar. Favorite restaurants. Hikes. The bay. 
 

 

 

Our goal while in SD? Water time. Colter is basically "pool safe" these days- he's a fish! Jumping in, swimming to the edge: we have to drag him out of the water or coax him with ice cream....we also had two glorious beach days. The first at Torrey Pines and the other at Del Mar. The air was hot, the water tolerable and not too many crowds. The thought of my babies growing up without the ocean a short jaunt away is saddening. However, I feel so thankful for our local indoor pool that we frequent at least 2 days a week. My children will love the water. 

 

 

Spending lazy days on the beach brought so much joy to my heart. At one point I was sitting on the sand watching my husband catch a wave surfing, my dog frolick in the waves and my two kids lay in a tide pool. It is was picture perfect. I'm pretty sure that moment was a little slice of heaven.
 

They say all good things must come to an end...saying farewell to friends and family is never easy. Neither is leaving a place you love. But, somehow, as the distance from it all became greater, my excitement to be home also increased. We crossed I-70 - driving through Capitol Reef- and the scenery was utterly impressive. And then on into Colorado. People. There is really no way to describe summer in Colorado, but suffice it to say that there is nothing quite like it. My senses become overloaded. It is truly awesome.

 

 

 

We turned for our final leg east and I was surprised at my eagerness and giddiness to be returning home. I haven't felt that in ages. We pulled into the driveway and all 4 of us were ecstatic. Our wildflower garden is going off and the aspen trees create an oasis around the property. There's no place like home. 

 
 

 
 

 

SAHM

August 24, 2015
3 years, 9 months, 5 days
8 months, 4 days

This morning I dropped my baby boy off at his first day of preschool. PRESCHOOL, people!  Can he really be that old?  As he was getting dressed this morning, he says to me, "Mom, you need to clean the house while I'm at school.  It's messy.  Like sweep the floors and pick up the toys."  Oh, why hello Mr. Bossy. 

His first week...

I've been primarily a SAHM (stay at home mom) for the better part of 3 years, 9 months and 5 days.  I work my one day a week shift as a nurse, but, ultimately, I'm my kids Mom.  I'm a Mom.  And a Wife.  A Homemaker.  For me it has been by far the most rewarding, challenging, crazy, exciting, depressing, thrilling thing I could have ever signed up for.  Colter and I have had so much fun: we've been on endless miles of walks, read countless books, tons of playdates, eaten way too many chocolate chip cookies and played in the ambulance and fire trucks for what would probably total a few days worth.

Happy boy

Silly face

So very excited

It's not the end, I know.  But it's a new chapter.  I admit, as I kissed my darling boy goodbye this morning the first thought that popped into my head was, "I must have done something right." He's ready for preschool.  Beyond ready, excited. "I'll make new friends, Mom.  I won't be shy."  And he's brave.  So much braver than I could ever be. He doesn't know a soul and he is charging right in.  You go, little man.

The carrot that he grew in our garden

8 months!

And then there's sweet baby girl.  Who turned 8 months old just a few days ago.  SO much personality these days!!  She crawls everywhere, pulls to standing on everything and is never too far behind her big brother.  She's taken to crawling up to me and head butting me in the legs until I pick her up.  I'm so in love. Above all, she loves bath time.  She'll stand outside the tub while I let Colter have his time to be crazy - she gets drenches and stands there and laughs the whole time.  When I finally let her in she is beside herself with happiness.

She busted 4 teeth this past month.  I'm thinking since she slept so well the first 6 months of her life, she is now making up for it by waking up hourly.  It's awesome.  But she's so adorable I forget my woes quickly...

Go, baby, go!

2 is better than 1!

Precious face.

It's been a great morning just with Aspen.  A long walk with Owen on a path I haven't done in ages.  Time to write a blog.  A few loads of laundry.  Now I'll make a huge smoothie and go and pick up the little man. 

Just in time for his nap.

Dearest Aspen

May 19, 2015
3 years, 6 months (to the day!)
5 months tomorrow

My angels

To my baby girl, my little miss, my darling, my angel, my gift, my sweet Aspen Rose:  This one’s for you.

Aspen's 5 month photo shoot!

 

You were cooing in your pack ‘n play in the laundry room after your morning nap today, so I moseyed in to grab you as so often I have.  Colter had alerted me a few minutes before with, “Mom, Aspen’s awake!”  Usually, he beats me in to greet your beautiful face.  Today he was too consumed playing lego cars and people – there were “lives to be saved”.  

Love.

So I found myself opening the door solo.  And there you were.  My darling angel girl – lying there with the most precious smile on your face.  I felt as though I were the only person in the entire world that you wanted to see.  Naturally, I started crying.  You have that effect on me.  I nuzzled my face into yours just how you love it and I was rewarded with a little chuckle.  You brought your sweet hands onto my face, searching.  Learning.  Loving.  We stayed like that for a few minutes – just Mama and daughter.  It was a beautiful moment and one I will never forget.  It wasn’t anything extraordinary – in fact, to someone looking on it would probably appear most ordinary.  Today, though, there was no big brother making you laugh or some other task more pressing.  You weren’t starving and I wasn’t rushed to get out the door or to get food on the table.  Today it was just you and I.  

Joy.

You are a total joy – always up for an adventure and eagerly learning from your big brother.  You are notorious for taking a long time to “settle-in” at night, but, once you’re down, you’re down for good.  You love sleeping on your belly – which means your poor little cheek gets raw from you squirming around. You can sit unsupported for a few minutes and love your jumper.  You’ve eaten banana and avocado – but I’m a terrible mother and am way too lazy to start feeding you with any sort of regularity.  I promise by 6 months, I’ll be better.

Chillin'.

What?

Above all,  your quiet joy in infectious.  None of us can keep our eyes or our hands off of you.  You came into our lives just 5 months ago.  I doubt Colter can remember a time before you.  I know I can't imagine life without you.  And Dad?  Well, he's just totally smitten with you. 

Hi there!

Oh sweet laughter!

It's true that you have grown too quickly.  I find myself able to savor every moment with you more than I did with Colter.  Our baby girl.  Knowing our family is complete.  I love you, darling girl.  You are my sun, my moon, my angel.    

Morning loves.

Morning loves, continued.

5 months: Aspen Rose and Colter Ramsey

Full

March 29, 2015
3 years, 4 months
3 months, 1 week

Silly girl.

The first month was exhausting.  The second month was challenging.  The third month brought routine.  And with routine?  Sanity.  I can now say with pride and dignity that I am functioning stay at home mom of two.  Just as memories of life before Colter slipped away, life before Aspen seems like a distant memory.  It's always been us.

Colter in the midst of tantrum thirty.  I smothered it with love.

Aspen's got it good.  With Colter I was a new mom - making classic rookie mistakes and being set on my ways.  Honestly, it worked great.  He was (and still is!) an epic napper and sleeper.  He is organized (as Grandma would say!).  He loves life.  He loves us.  Aspen is a great nighttime sleeper.  She wakes up usually once a night but on a few occasions, she'll just sleep a full 10-11 hours.  I can say, hands down, she is the worst napper EVER.  I'm pretty sure that's my fault.  I'm okay with it.  We take walks during naps, she sleeps in a carrier, she sleeps in the car seat, she sleeps in my arms...really, she sleeps whenever she can during the day.  It's quick, efficient and then she's up and ready to join the party (as Colter and I like to say). Because, let's face it:  Life is just way too great to spend the day taking long, epic naps. 

Owen on the shore of the Colorado River.

She is such a sweet thing.  Not nearly as outwardly smiley and laughy as Colter was at this age, but she always has a quiet joy in her eyes.  On the rare occasion I get a small chuckle out of her, it usually brings tears to my eyes.  Most of the time, she is perfectly content watching Big Brother doing his thing.  He always brings her in on his games.  Colter is such a sensitive soul and can't bear for her to cry.  So precious.  They are truly little blessings from above.

Colter. Sand.

Yesterday I did something crazy.  I spent a day on the shores of the Colorado River with my children.  It was my first "real" outing solo with two kids.  Each kid had only one freak out session - so I'm calling it a total success!  

She's so vogue.

CJ signed up to do a solo-canyoneering route out of Lee's Ferry.  He convinced me to drive out with him and spend the day on the beach.  Thank goodness my husband knows me well and convinced me to partake in this adventure (which seemed a wee bit daunting).  It was fabulous.  Sunny, 80 degrees and barely a soul around.  Colter frolicked in the sand for hours, Aspen took a cat nap, Owen paced the river and even I had some time to just sit and stare off at the canyon cliffs and river. 

Colter loves his Aspen Rose.

It's been a good week. My cup is full.  Full of the chaos of children.  Full of endless adventures with a three year old and the demands of a 3 month old.  Full of friends.  Full of family.  Full of love. 

Our beach camp.

Mama Day.

And a message from Colter :\gh hhh jsjgff lasdtl=  gd h